I wrote this letter in the notes app on my phone about a week before returning to work as a TV News reporter/anchor. My heart was breaking and I wrote it as a means to cope and to help me keep my eye on the bigger picture my husband and I were crafting.
After having Savannah, I knew the Lord was calling me and my career path in a different direction, but I also knew my transition from journalist to full-time mom/business owner/birth worker would take time.
I claimed it, promised it to Sav, and prepared to work for it.
And then there were the miracle moments -- the curve balls, life changing events, and incredible opportunities Julian and I were presented with that have landed us here today.
God made good on every promise in this letter before our sweet girl even turned one!!!
When the pain of going against my motherly instincts and everything that felt natural to me felt overwhelming, I read this letter. I cannot wait to share it with her one day. Today, I'm sharing it with you!
Savannah Rose,
You have completely changed me. I mean I always knew that family was my number one priority. I always knew that I wanted to be a mom. But being YOUR mom has made me the happiest person in the world. I never knew this level of joy even existed or this amount of love was possible.
You are the sweetest girl, your spirit is strong, yet so very gentle and and from day 1 your presence has been calming. You wake up laughing and fall asleep the same way — No matter what happens during the hours in between. You’ve already transformed lives Savannah. 11 weeks old and you’ve transformed lives!!!! Every person whose held you...every person whose looked into your eyes tells me and your daddy how much you’ve touched their spirit. You are an angel! A real life angel.
Carrying you for almost 10 months was such a blessing. A sacred time, I will never take for granted. It was physically challenging at times but gosh, how I loved having you with me always. Now that you’re earthside and I see you bringing life and joy to so many people I fully understand the magnitude of your presence and feel even more blessed to have had that time with you. That time when it was just you and I.
The last 11 weeks with you Earthside have been unexplainable. Pure bliss. It breaks my heart that Mommy has to head back to work— to this crazy schedule and wacky hours...but they will only be temporary and you and daddy will always remain my number one priority. That is my promise to you.
When I birthed you, I birthed a new me. A whole new purpose. You have lead me in the direction that God would have me to go and I would not have known or had the courage to acknowledge and chase my (new) dreams without you. I would have played it safe...continued doing what I’ve been doing because I’m good at it. But you’ve taught me that good is not enough. Good is not worth sacrifices that this current career path requires. I want nothing more than to be able to be fully present while raising you and make sure that you and daddy continue to have peace in our home.
I promise you, within a year and a half...January 2020, mommy and daddy will have launched our family businesses and my schedule will allow me to give you and daddy my all.
Thank you for your patience from the beginning. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you. I love you forever, Savannah Rose!
*By the way, if you're a mama who's struggling with leaving your newborn to return to work, I'm sending you so much love! Maybe try writing your little babe a letter. It might help you process your emotions and put things into perspective. Plus, how sweet for them to be able to read it one day and have a glimpse into the depths to which they impacted your heart and mind from the very beginning.